First Weeks of Foster Care

Hey guys, 

I wanted to take a few minutes and update you on our journey. These past weeks have been so busy for us. We got our very first foster placement about 2 weeks ago. A little boy who is almost 6 and a little girl who is about to turn 7. They are biological siblings. 

A lot of people have asked a variety of questions: what are their names? How long will you have them? What happened to their family? I wanted to take a few minutes to address these questions. 

1: What are their names?

 Well, I actually cannot tell you that. The state wants us to keep the identity of all children in the foster care system protected. For that reason I cannot post their names or pictures on the internet. It is okay to post photos where the identity of the child is unknown. For example, if I ever do post a picture (which I don’t plan on doing), you will not be able to see their eyes. This is solely for the protection of the children.  If you ever meet them, you will learn their names and obviously see them, but no pictures or names can be posted online. 

2: How long will we have them? 

That is a great question….I have no idea. We agreed to keep them with us as a long term placement. That means, these 2 children will probably be in our lives for multiple months. Obviously, this could change. One of the challenging parts of foster care is knowing that you never really know. We plan on them being with us for quite sometime though. 

3: What happened to their family?

This has been the most common question we have been asked. Once again, the state asks foster families to keep that information private. So, I cannot tell you. When you think about it….it makes perfect sense. We want the privacy not only of the children, but also the family to be protected. No one wants their hardships shared with the world. What I can tell you is this: these children have had a difficult few years. 

Now that the frequently asked questions are out of the way I can share with you a bit about our first few weeks. If I had to pick one word to define this change it would be “exhausting.” From the minute these 2 kids became part of our little family there have been countless changes. Some of those changes have been simple like establishing a bedtime routine. Some have been terribly difficult, like waking up in the middle of the night to screaming, learning how to navigate the school system, washing countless loads of laundry, and figuring out how to make the most of the days when I don’t get off of work until 6 o’clock (Kevin usually gets home from rotations around 5 or 6) and the kids go to bed at 8:30. 

The first week was very difficult for us. We had to learn to deny all the things that we wanted to do in order to best care for 2 scared little children. We learned that coming home from work and rotations requires us to immediately cook dinner for a family of 4, not scrounge around the kitchen and plop down to talk about our days and watch hilarious television shows. We had to learn how to have time for the 2 of us while having 2 children in the house. Those things and countless more were hard, exhausting, and honestly very challenging. 

Why am I telling you all this?! Why am I not gushing about how happy and grand things are? Because the struggles we have been experiencing are real life. I don’t want to give the impression that we are perfect, have our lives together, or that foster parenting is all fun and easy. 

But, I can tell you this: as hard as this has been, we have already been seeing what a difference we have been able to make. We have seen the children’s eyes light up when we read our Bible stories at night. We have heard little voices that didn’t know a thing about Jesus a week ago singing songs to Him. We have had to opportunity to answer questions, give encouragement, and teach these children that Jesus is with them, even when things are hard. We have watched them learn to trust us a little more each day, bond to our dogs, and gradually improve in school. 

What Jesus asked us to do, has literally been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cannot even tell you how heart breaking it is to hear some of the things these children say. I cannot express the pain I see in their little eyes when things with their family don't go according to planned. I cannot begin to express how hard it was to going from being a young a childless couple to having 2 school aged children living with us over night. But, I have taken extreme comfort in this verse I read a few days ago:

Mark 9: 36-37

Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.”

We know that Jesus is going to do great things in these children during these next few months. We know that they will be provided for, cared for, and loved while they are living with us. We trust that the Lord will give us the words we need to talk about hard things. We take comfort in knowing that Jesus knew these children would live with us before we even knew their names. 

What can I do to help?!

If you find yourself asking this question there are a few things you can do to help. 

If you do not live here locally, the best thing you can do is pray. Pray for us and pray for the kids. Pray for wisdom and energy for us, and peace and permanency for the kids. 

If you live here in KC: Consider helping us by becoming either respite providers (short term foster parents) so we know that we have somewhere the kids can go overnight if we need a night out. Or, simply fill out a background check so that you can babysit our kiddos to give us a few hours of time together.

If you have been a foster parent…or a parent in general: encourage us when we have questions or need help knowing what to do…for example birthday presents, hair styling, bed times, chore ideas, tasty but healthy dinners, simple and free ideas to give the kids activities to keep them busy during the weekends in the winter when it is -10 degrees outside. 

We appreciate all of the prayers that have been said the last few weeks, the emails, texts, and phone calls we have received to check in on us, and the insane amount of clothing we were given in the past 2 weeks for these kids. We are so glad to know that we are supported and prayed for! If you have any questions about fostering, please, feel free to ask us!

Also, VERY exciting announcement, Kevin officially passed his board exam. We had tons of people praying for him, and we are so thankful to have this test behind us! 

Thanks for reading! 

Kevin and Anna 

Blessing Galore

Hello all,

It has been quite awhile since we last updated about our blog. So much has happened this summer. Kevin has been busy studying away for his 1st board exam (COMLEX level 1).  We have been preparing to take in foster children. I (Anna) was diagnosed and treated (it worked) with antibiotics for a strange tick born illness (anaplasmosis) that caused extreme fatigue and body aches for over three years. Finally we have been preparing for our big trip home this year, which will likely be the last trip home for at least a year...maybe more.

But, it has been awhile since we updated you about our foster care journey. We have officially completed all of the requirements to take children into our home. We are super excited about receiving a placement. We have decided for the first few months to do respite and emergency care. Respite care is taking care of another family's foster children so they can have a break. It is kind of like overnight babysitting. It is incredibly important that foster families be given a break from time to time. We want to ease into this big life change slowly, what better way to do that than practicing.

Emergency care is for children who were just removed from their homes. While the State attempts to locate a kinship placement the child is placed into the care of a foster home. Sometimes this is only for a short period of time. But, a lot of the time they do not find a kinship placement and you are given the opportunity to continue to foster the child as a long term placement.

We are hoping to start taking full time placements sometime this fall between September and November depending on different factors including Kevin's board exam and rotation sites, my (Anna) job, and several other factors. We are sure the right placement will come in time, and we do not want to rush that. In the meantime we are praying for the children who come into our home, as well as preparing our hearts for this change.

We are so incredibly thankful for the kindness that has been shown to us as we make this transition. Our friends and family have been very supportive of us along the way. Random strangers have literally loaded the back of our car with toys and clothes for the children who will be living with us. I have had several families donate diapers and clothing. We have been given a carseat and have a stroller and high chair if we need it.

We have collected enough clothing that the children who come into our home will have clean clothes to put on when they arrive. Many times children come to you with only the clothes on their back and sometimes a trash bag with a few of their things. We wanted to make sure that no matter how big or small they are, they will have at least something to wear until we can take them out to buy new clothes (the state provides a small clothing allowance for each child in care).

The day before we became active I had a friend come over and help me sort and fold all of the tiny clothes that were donated. She then made a list of the things I didn't have. For those of you who do not know me (Anna) I am not a very organized person. So, having someone come help me be organized was a huge blessing. I posted online a list of things I was looking for, and within 10 minutes I had about 15 emails from people who wanted to give us what we didn't have. The next day I had tripled the amount of clothing I had on hand.

The bottom line here is we are so incredibly blessed. Christ called us to make this huge change in our lives. We obeyed Him very excitedly, but we quickly came to find how big of a decision this was. Not just emotionally, but financially as well. But, every step of the way He has provided for us. This continual reminder of His love and presence has been such an encouragement to us as we begin this chapter of our lives.

Thank you so much for being a part of our journey through reading our blog. If you would like to know what you can do:

1. Pray, pray, pray. Pray for us, pray for our future foster placements, and pray for Kevin as he prepares to take his board exam in a few weeks. The board exam is an 8 hour test that is required for Kevin to continue his medical school journey.

2. If you live nearby, consider helping us by becoming respite providers. That way if we ever have to go out of town and the child cannot come with us, we know that you can love them while we are away.

3. If you live out of town...consider becoming respite providers for other foster families! It is SERIOUSLY a huge need. All it takes is a background check, 1 home visit, and 3 forms (here in MO at least).

4. Be excited for us if we want to tell you all about our journey. We kind of talk about it A LOT.

We are so thankful for your prayers, your donations, and your encouragement. We are so blessed to have so many loving people in our lives!

Kevin and Anna Quinby 

Be Strong and Very Courageous

Kevin and I have some exciting news that we would like to share with you. We have decided to become foster parents! This decision has been a long time coming. A few years ago, I (Anna) started to truly discover my passion in life, helping children who have no one to care for them. I am avoiding using the term “orphan” because that implies that a child has no parents at all. That is simply not the truth in many situations.  Let me tell you our story and how God called us to make this decision.

Spring break of this year, I was about to fly back home from my brother in-law’s wedding when I decided I needed a book to keep me occupied on my flight and during my lay over. My sister and I went to Barnes and Noble, and she pointed out the book “Kisses from Katie.” I had wanted to read the book for a year and decided this was a good time. Let me just tell you that if you do not want to be challenged ….do not read this book. I sat on the plane, and in the airport with tears running down my face as I read about all the beautiful things this young woman is doing, and the hurt, pain, and brokeness that is running rampant in our world. 

I knew that I had to do something, but what? How could I make that kind of difference while I was here in the States. I asked God “what can we do?” and the answer was almost immediate. I don't have to go to the third world to love abandoned children. There are thousands of children right here in my own backyard who are facing similar problems to the children in the third world. Becoming a foster parent was no doubt a direct call from the Lord. When Kevin picked me up from the airport it was a matter of minutes before the idea came bursting out. To my surprise, he was very open to the idea. He had been having similar conversations with Jesus about wanting to do something more, wanting to trust, wanting to be willing to obey.

Now I can tell you that we are through the first few steps. We are taking the required foster care classes and currently waiting on a home study to be done. We are setting up an adorable little nursery/bedroom for the children that will become a part of our lives, even if only for a little while. We will be taking in 1 child (2 at most) at a time between the ages of 0 and 6 hopefully starting this September. It will pretty much become my full time job while Kevin continues on through his 3rd year of school. We are so excited to open our home and our hearts to the children of Kansas City.

So, what is with the title?! I sound so excited, why do we need to “be strong and very courageous?” Well, let me tell you a little bit about that. When you become a foster parent, you are agreeing to take in children that have been taken away from their parents through no fault of their own (most of the time). What does that mean? Sometimes it means that a child is placed into the system while their parents get back on their feet. Maybe they lost their job, or their home, or are going through a divorce and just need a chance to pull their life together. Sadly though, in most cases these children have been neglected, abused, abandoned, molested, raped, or a slew of other very sad traumatic things. When a child suffers these things, there are going to be behavioral and emotional responses. 

Over the next few years we may be dealing with a lot of hard things. Not simply the difficulties of helping a child cope, grow, develop good habits, trust, make good choices, and accept love, but also the pain that will likely come with having a child living with us for months at a time and loving them deeply while knowing that in almost all cases that child will eventually go home. I want you to know, that we are doing foster care KNOWING that we are preparing children to reunite with their parents. That is the goal of foster care. While we are open to adopting in the right situations, that is not our primary reason or focus.

There will no doubt be a lot of difficulty, as well as a lot of beauty from this decision. The Lord often speaks to me through the songs, movies, and stories that the students at my school hear and see. This year one of the songs that we sing in chapel is based off of the passage Joshua 1:9. This has become my favorite song and the theme song of my year. “Be strong, be strong, be strong and very courageous, be strong, be strong, for I am always by your side” the chorus says.

Please, pray that verse, and those words over us as we begin this adventure. Pray this song and verse over the broken and scared children that we are privileged enough to love. The Lord calls us to do hard things, to love the orphans and widows in their distress. Pray for courage, pray for strength, pray for wisdom and patience. 

 For those of you who may tell me “you have no idea what you are getting into”, “you know these kids have issues right?!” “why don't you just have your own kids first”, “I had a friend who took in a foster kid and……” thank you for attempting to enlighten us, but those are not the words we need to hear. If you yourself have taken in a foster child and have some advice, please tell me all you know! But, if you are simply “warning us” we do not want to hear it, we already know. We also know that those who follow Christ are often given tasks that are huge, giant, scary, and seem impossible. If you do not believe me…go read the story of Joseph, or Job, or Daniel, or Esther.

We are following the call that has been given to us. We are saying “yes” to Jesus. We are allowing Him to use us as His vessels. We are opening ourselves to all the things that come along with foster care, and we are excited. We will be strong. We will be courageous, because we know that God is always by our sides.

Kevin and Anna
Be Strong (The song I referred to)

Thankful

Wow, it has been quite some time since we have taken the time to update our blog. Life got very busy at the end of last summer. I (Anna) was offered a job as a full time teacher at a Christian Elementary School. I accepted the job and have a class of 7 students ranging from 3rd-5th grade. It has been a very eye opening experience for me and I have loved feeling like I am truly impacting the lives of these 7 children. I have loved watching them grow and change throughout the year. 

Kevin started his 2nd year of school around the same time and got incredibly busy within the first 2 days. We are so thrilled that his 2 years in the classroom are almost complete! He will get to start clinical rotations this coming Fall after he takes his board exam. He is super excited about interacting with patients and using what he has learned in the classroom. 

He has become quite skilled using OMT’s (osteopathic manipulative treatments) which are very similar to what chiropractors do. At this time he is considering doing his residency (which is after these next 2 years of rotations) as a family doctor who specializes in those treatments. But, much could change in these next 2 years. 

I think the change that we are both the most thankful for this past year has been finding and connecting in a church. We struggled our first year in Kansas City to feel connected anywhere. We felt very isolated and alone, because we moved here knowing nobody…okay we knew 2 people…but still. We had been attending a church and a small group here, but we never really felt like we connected well. 

When we came back from our vacation this summer we decided to make a change that would benefit not only our spiritual walks, but also our emotional well being. We tried out several different church in the area. We decided to visit Vineyard Church, and we immediately felt at home. We visited a few times and decided to join a small group. 

I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to God. We were so blessed and lucky to become a part of our small group. After a long year of feeling alone (we each had 1 or 2 good friends) we finally felt like we connected in Kansas City. We are thrilled to be a part of a church family, and a group of friends where we can grow and thrive. 

There have been struggles we have gone through this year as well. We each face challenges in our professions daily(Anna as a teacher, and Kevin as a medical student). However, we have grown so much this past year, and we are so thankful. There are a few more changes that we are planning on going through this year, but we will update you more on that later!

Thanks so much for reading!

Kevin and Anna Quinby

The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

      “Wow” is the only word I can think to describe the amazing vacation that we just took part in. From the time I (Anna) was in 5^th grade I had an insane fascination with the ocean and with life in the sea in general. I never enjoyed school, but I remember taking home my science textbook when we learned about ocean life and reading. I looked at pictures, read the text, and soaked up all I could about ocean life.

            My fascination became a reality when I was 11 or 12 years old and my family took a trip to Sea World. My mind was practically exploding the entire trip as I experienced some of the amazing creatures that dwell there. Watching the dolphins and the trainers interact, I decided that I wanted nothing more than to become a Marine Biologist and train and swim with the dolphins at Sea World.
             

        Well, as most of you know, I am not a Marine Biologist, nor do I work at Sea World. My dreams were slashed the year I tried to learn to dive…or swim more than average really at all. I also decided, I really didn’t like swimming much at all. Luckily for me I was watching the travel channel one night when a special on Discovery Cove came on. They showed a beautiful resort in Florida where a guest could come and swim with dolphins. My heart pounded wildly, “maybe I could go, maybe I could live out my dream, even if just for a day,” I thought. Unfortunately, the prices were listed, and my dream had to wait.

            Skip ahead 12 years. My husband and I sat in our living room trying to decide what to do with “the last summer of his life.” Don’t worry he is not dying or anything. Medical school simply calls the year between your 1^st and 2^nd year of school the last summer of your life, because you will never again have a summer off. We toyed with Hawaii, but knew it was too expensive. We looked at Texas and various beaches around the US. Then, we decided to look into California because there is a lot to do, and I had never been there. That is when I pulled up Sea World (CA branch). I was so excited when I saw the dolphin encounter as an option. I was all the sudden giddy with excitement, practically dancing around the living room. “I might can swim with a dolphin Kevin!!” I said. That is when I read the description and the price. How silly to pay so much money to get waist deep in the water with a dolphin for 30 minutes.

            At that moment the idea popped into my head…DISCOVERY COVE!!! That is where it all began. We looked everything up and found out we could actually afford it (because there are only 2 of us). We contacted some friends who had been before and decided on the trainer for a day package. How perfect, I could finally be a dolphin trainer (even if just for a day right ;)). Our tickets came with passes to Sea World as well as the water park there, and for a little extra we added Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay. We got a great discount on a hotel right beside the property, got my parents to agree to watch our puppy dogs, put together a budget, and made it happen.

            I cannot express to you the extreme joy that we experienced on this vacation together. We had SUCH a blast. We went to the water park first, where we ran into a friend from Bolivia who actually works there at the park. We had dinner beside Shamu’s tank, which was unreal (if you ever go to sea world, do it). We explored the parks, encountered all types of marine life, and had a wonderful time. Then the day was finally upon us. The day I had waited 12 years of my life (over half) to do.

            We started by having breakfast at Discovery Cove (which is included btw). We got behind the scenes tours, including animal interactions that are closed to the public. I got to feed an anteater from my hand, pet a tiny screech owl, feed a shark, and sort of feed an otter. Then, the moment finally arrived. I got to swim with a dolphin. I decided to wait to go last in my group, to fully allow the moment to set in. It was all I had waited for and more. The 12 year wait was well worth it! The sheer strength, yet gentleness those dolphins have is unbelievable, something I still struggle to put into words.

            Now, because we opted for the package we selected we had additional dolphin time that afternoon. We got lucky, because depending on the behavior of the dolphins that day, it is not guaranteed. We got not 1, but 2 extra interactions. We got to swim a total of 3 different ways with the dolphins. In the first swim, you hold onto their dorsal fin and onto one of the fins on their side. The second we called “dolphin racing.” There were 2 dolphins, one on each side of the pool. The dolphin laid on his back with me on top of him. The other had another member of our group on top of it. They then swam super fast across the pool, essentially racing each other. I raced Kevin….and won, which was awesome. Then, the last, and probably best was called a double foot push, where 2 dolphins push you up out of the water across the pool. I literally felt like I was flying across the water. It was incredible.

            The day was all I could have asked for and so much more. Being so close to the marine life re-lit the love and excitement I had as a child. While I know I will probably never be a dolphin trainer, I can still be involved in marine life. I have a degree in education, and LOVE teaching science. I have decided to attempt to work as an educator at our local aquarium (or zoo). That way, I am using the degree I received, while teaching groups of people about what I truly love, the ocean. I am (for the first time in awhile) excited about what I could actually do as a career while waiting to go to grad school and pursue my degree in counseling. If you are confused about why I am not going to grad school now, read the previous post!

            We also had a super fun time around the Tampa area, with Kevin’s Aunt and Uncle, who were kind enough to let us stay with them for a few days. It was so great hanging out and having personal tour guides to take us to all the best beaches and what not around the area. We went to Busch Gardens, which was super fun, and even had the opportunity to hand feed kangaroos, which was so neat! They really are precious little guys! Our time in Florida has come to an end, but we are not sad at all. We are leaving with a life-time of amazing memories and opportunities that very few get to experience, and we are truly grateful. Now we are heading back up to the Carolinas to visit family for a bit, before heading back to KC to start year 2.

Thanks for reading,

Anna

With Jenny the Dolphin

Dolphin Racing!

Queue?

     You may find yourself staring at the title of our blog and feeling about bit confused. What in the world is "Queue?"Before I answer your question, let me (Anna) start by giving you a bit of background knowledge.

     Kevin and I have been married for 2 years today. Our life together has been one adventure after another. We met at college in Jefferson City, TN, got married in Greer, SC, and then after finishing college moved to Kansas City, Missouri, where Kevin attends medical school. Kevin joined the Air Force and was blessed to receive a scholarship for his schooling, in return for 4 years of service active as a doctor post medical school/residency.

   As you can see from the first few paragraphs, our lives are in a constant state of movement. Many of you may not quite know the commitment that comes with Medical School. First, you must get in. If you are lucky, after applying to about 20 schools, you receive 2 or 3 interviews, and get accepted 1 place. Thousands upon thousands apply each year,  and the majority of them get rejected. Most applicants take more than a year to get in. Kevin was one of the few to get in not 1 but 3 different schools his first year applying.

   We selected KCUMB in Kansas City because it not only had the best program, but also because it was in a relatively large city with great culture and areas to live. However, it was also over 12 hours away from home. We are guaranteed to stay in KC for at least 2 years. You see, medical school is made up of 4 years, the first 2 being solid book work, while the last 2 are spent working along side doctors in many different specialties. Allopathic medical schools (which give an M.D) all have large hospitals that are attached to them, allowing all of their students to spend their 3rd and 4th years at that hospital. KCUMB is an Osteopathic medical school (which gives a D.O which is Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine). D.O students learn all that M.D students learn, as well as the majority of what a chiropractic student would learn. They practice in all of the same fields as an M.D and are considered equals in the medical community.However, KCUMB does not have a large hospital attached to it, but they send their student doctors around the area to different practices or hospitals to get their clinical hours in 3rd and 4th year. Sadly, there are not enough hospitals in the area to accommodate the 250 students in each class. So, KCUMB allows their students to go all over the USA to get those hours in.

What exactly does that look like for us? Well, we will enter a match program this coming year that will tell us where we go for 3rd and 4th year. We hope and pray that God will allow us to stay here in KC, because we have friends, a church, and a wonderful life here. But, there is a chance that we will have to relocate to a different city, or even a different part of the US! (fingers crossed and big prayers for KC).  At the end of his 2nd year and 4th year of medical school Kevin will take a huge test known as the USMLE/ COMLEX which is the test to receive your medical license, which requires at least 6 months of study and preparation while maintaining his normal class hours(8 AM to 5 PM and studying until midnight). I am thinking you are beginning to see how stressful this medical school stuff really is! ;)

After 3rd and 4th year we will enter the residency match. Basically all of the new medical school graduates (M.D and D.O) will enter this match. You rank hospitals in your chosen speciality. Those hospitals also list out their top choices of students for their programs. The students are matched based on which hospitals want them most and where they'd like to go most(basically, who do I want and who wants me). We are not guaranteed to match, no one is, although all KCUMB students match almost every year! We will have to enter 2 different match programs; the military match and the civilian match. So, we may do the residency years in the Air Force, it really just depends on what Kevin specializes in! (Air Force hospitals don't have a residency program from every specialty)

Residency programs last between 3 and 12 years. Kevin's fields of interest are between 3 and 5 years. Those years are grueling. He will work about 80 hours a week and make about minimum wage. He will be a licensed physician at this point, but he will be working under highly experienced doctors during that time.

Finally, after all is said and done and Kevin is a licensed and certified D.O, we will then be active in the Air Force, which puts us into a whole new world! They will station us at a base where Kevin will practice as a doctor in the field he specializes in. During that time he may be deployed, we may have to move, or we may get lucky and stay in the same place all 4 years! We have no clue! During all of this time, I (Anna) will be along for the ride! I considered going back to school to become a marriage and family counselor and work in adoptive counseling, but as you can see, we kind of have our hands full with medical school and the military. We decided ultimately it would be best for our marriage and our future family for me to wait to go back to school.

So now that you know a bit about our story, let's talk about our title. Our lives are in a constant state of waiting. Waiting to know where we are going to move, what Kevin is going to specialize in, when I am going to go back to school, etc. A "Queue" is a line in which people stand to wait. We have found that our lives are truly not our own. They are owned and orchestrated by a God who has all of those answers, so we are simply waiting on Him to provide us with them. Therefore, we find ourselves standing in "The Queue" of life. If you want to be clever and give our title a second meaning, we can be playful and look at it like Life in the "Q" family ;).

So that is us, this is our story, this is our life. We look forward to sharing our adventures with you!

Kevin and Anna Quinby