First Weeks of Foster Care

Hey guys, 

I wanted to take a few minutes and update you on our journey. These past weeks have been so busy for us. We got our very first foster placement about 2 weeks ago. A little boy who is almost 6 and a little girl who is about to turn 7. They are biological siblings. 

A lot of people have asked a variety of questions: what are their names? How long will you have them? What happened to their family? I wanted to take a few minutes to address these questions. 

1: What are their names?

 Well, I actually cannot tell you that. The state wants us to keep the identity of all children in the foster care system protected. For that reason I cannot post their names or pictures on the internet. It is okay to post photos where the identity of the child is unknown. For example, if I ever do post a picture (which I don’t plan on doing), you will not be able to see their eyes. This is solely for the protection of the children.  If you ever meet them, you will learn their names and obviously see them, but no pictures or names can be posted online. 

2: How long will we have them? 

That is a great question….I have no idea. We agreed to keep them with us as a long term placement. That means, these 2 children will probably be in our lives for multiple months. Obviously, this could change. One of the challenging parts of foster care is knowing that you never really know. We plan on them being with us for quite sometime though. 

3: What happened to their family?

This has been the most common question we have been asked. Once again, the state asks foster families to keep that information private. So, I cannot tell you. When you think about it….it makes perfect sense. We want the privacy not only of the children, but also the family to be protected. No one wants their hardships shared with the world. What I can tell you is this: these children have had a difficult few years. 

Now that the frequently asked questions are out of the way I can share with you a bit about our first few weeks. If I had to pick one word to define this change it would be “exhausting.” From the minute these 2 kids became part of our little family there have been countless changes. Some of those changes have been simple like establishing a bedtime routine. Some have been terribly difficult, like waking up in the middle of the night to screaming, learning how to navigate the school system, washing countless loads of laundry, and figuring out how to make the most of the days when I don’t get off of work until 6 o’clock (Kevin usually gets home from rotations around 5 or 6) and the kids go to bed at 8:30. 

The first week was very difficult for us. We had to learn to deny all the things that we wanted to do in order to best care for 2 scared little children. We learned that coming home from work and rotations requires us to immediately cook dinner for a family of 4, not scrounge around the kitchen and plop down to talk about our days and watch hilarious television shows. We had to learn how to have time for the 2 of us while having 2 children in the house. Those things and countless more were hard, exhausting, and honestly very challenging. 

Why am I telling you all this?! Why am I not gushing about how happy and grand things are? Because the struggles we have been experiencing are real life. I don’t want to give the impression that we are perfect, have our lives together, or that foster parenting is all fun and easy. 

But, I can tell you this: as hard as this has been, we have already been seeing what a difference we have been able to make. We have seen the children’s eyes light up when we read our Bible stories at night. We have heard little voices that didn’t know a thing about Jesus a week ago singing songs to Him. We have had to opportunity to answer questions, give encouragement, and teach these children that Jesus is with them, even when things are hard. We have watched them learn to trust us a little more each day, bond to our dogs, and gradually improve in school. 

What Jesus asked us to do, has literally been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cannot even tell you how heart breaking it is to hear some of the things these children say. I cannot express the pain I see in their little eyes when things with their family don't go according to planned. I cannot begin to express how hard it was to going from being a young a childless couple to having 2 school aged children living with us over night. But, I have taken extreme comfort in this verse I read a few days ago:

Mark 9: 36-37

Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.”

We know that Jesus is going to do great things in these children during these next few months. We know that they will be provided for, cared for, and loved while they are living with us. We trust that the Lord will give us the words we need to talk about hard things. We take comfort in knowing that Jesus knew these children would live with us before we even knew their names. 

What can I do to help?!

If you find yourself asking this question there are a few things you can do to help. 

If you do not live here locally, the best thing you can do is pray. Pray for us and pray for the kids. Pray for wisdom and energy for us, and peace and permanency for the kids. 

If you live here in KC: Consider helping us by becoming either respite providers (short term foster parents) so we know that we have somewhere the kids can go overnight if we need a night out. Or, simply fill out a background check so that you can babysit our kiddos to give us a few hours of time together.

If you have been a foster parent…or a parent in general: encourage us when we have questions or need help knowing what to do…for example birthday presents, hair styling, bed times, chore ideas, tasty but healthy dinners, simple and free ideas to give the kids activities to keep them busy during the weekends in the winter when it is -10 degrees outside. 

We appreciate all of the prayers that have been said the last few weeks, the emails, texts, and phone calls we have received to check in on us, and the insane amount of clothing we were given in the past 2 weeks for these kids. We are so glad to know that we are supported and prayed for! If you have any questions about fostering, please, feel free to ask us!

Also, VERY exciting announcement, Kevin officially passed his board exam. We had tons of people praying for him, and we are so thankful to have this test behind us! 

Thanks for reading! 

Kevin and Anna 

Jesus Loves the Outcasts

Friends, family, and beyond, 

my heart is shattered by the outpouring of hatred on my Facebook feed this week. I have never been ashamed of my faith, or my friends for their faith. The second became true today. I am so bothered, that I am actually going to share my opinion on a very hot button issue. 

Caitlyn Jenner has been the subject of much hate this week. She publicly took a stand and decided to tell the world she could no longer be forced to live as a man. Many people applauded her for her bravery and courage to make such a stand. However, the Christian and conservative communities refused to accept her. 

A particular quote I have seen no less than 3 times today reads as follows "He is not a hero, and he is not a woman.  He is what we all are: lost, sinful, and desperately in need of Jesus. I pray he finds Him” This quote came from a blog post titled “Bruce Jenner is Not A Hero”. Let me tell you, I literally almost sobbed when I read this quote. I felt sick to my stomach, and I felt ashamed. I felt truly heart broken. 

I want to spend the next few minutes addressing this quote. First off, referring to Caitlyn as a “he” is incredibly disrespectful, hurtful, and wrong. I do not care if you do not agree. Have enough respect to use correct pronouns. All you will end up doing is turning transgendered individuals away from Christ. 

Secondly, Caitlyn Jenner is, indeed, a hero. Perhaps you are angry because she was given an award over a wounded veteran. To that point, I would agree that the veteran deserved the award. Men and women in uniform are the biggest heroes in our country and are often over looked. BUT, that does not mean Caitlyn is not a hero. Some of you have never had the privilege to know a transgender person. I can promise you, it is eye opening and rewarding. I can tell you that the courage it takes not only to make such a huge change, but to stand up and say this so publicly is astronomical. Just look at what has been said about her this week alone. She is standing up for the rights, freedom, and the acceptance of all people. That, my friends, is heroic. 

Man, I am already half a page down, and I am just a few words into the quote. I have already addressed the issue of referring to Caitlyn as a “he.” I am pretty sure you know my opinion of the portion of the quote that states Caitlyn is not a woman. If not let me re emphasize this for you…that is rude. Be polite, if you don’t want to use the word woman…do not use the word man to describe Caitlyn, either. It is horribly offensive and very damaging to the transgender community when you refer to them as the gender they are trying to escape. 

Before I move on to the worst of it, let me start by agreeing with this next part of the statement (other than the “he”) "He is what we all are: lost, sinful, and desperately in need of Jesus.” YES, as a matter of fact, she is. We are all in absolute need of Jesus =. I can tell you I need Jesus every minute of every day of my life. I simply cannot be without Him.

However, my issue mostly comes with the very last line of this blog. “I pray he finds Him.” My heart hurt with this one. To be fair, maybe this author had the best intentions with this. Maybe he/she did really pray that Caitlyn finds Jesus. But, to me, this quote is more than that, friends. To me this quote says a few things. 

The first of which is that in order to be loved by Christ and to love Him back, you cannot be transgender. That simply breaks my heart. The Jesus I know, was friends with the tax collectors, adulterers, and prostitutes.  I do not believe Jesus discriminates based on sexual orientation. 

Secondly, this statement brings back memories from my childhood. My sister (or brother) and I would fight and the best way to end an argument was to yell out “WELL I WILL PRAY FOR YOU” first. The person to scream it loudest or first was the winner. This statement says, obviously, your actions are evil and wrong; therefore, I will pray for them to change. This, is not okay. This is boiling a person down to only what you feel is their worst quality. This is telling a person you will not love and accept them unless they are willing to change. 

Quotes like these, are simply not okay. They do nothing but cause deep pain for those who they attack. They simply turn people away from our God. Unfortunately, this was not the only hurtful quote I saw today. I saw many more. I will not sit here and address every one of them. 

This is what I will do though. I will leave you with something that I wrote. I wrote this message about 3 minutes after I read the quote discussed above. I was so devastated that I have asked God to protect the transgender community from it (the quote). 

Being a follower of Jesus does not mean degrading another human being. Being a follower of Jesus does not mean continuing to use the pronoun “he” after an individual is begging to be called a “she”. Being a follower of Jesus is not standing against transgender individuals. Being a follower of Jesus is recognizing the needs of human beings in all walks of life, religions, sexual orientations, and races. Being a follower of Jesus is loving people deeply, caring for their needs, and showing them Jesus through words and actions alike. I do not care if you do not agree with Caitlyn Jenner, but at a least have the common decency to use correct pronouns. Your refusal to be polite does not make you a better Christian, it hurts those around you and ultimately turns them away from Him. Make a transgender friend, then maybe you can understand why Caitlyn is brave. 

Anna 

My husband requested I share with you how amazing it has been to have a transgender friend. I would love to do so, however I do not feel that it is in our friend’s best interest to share her story, especially without first asking her.

Be Strong and Very Courageous

Kevin and I have some exciting news that we would like to share with you. We have decided to become foster parents! This decision has been a long time coming. A few years ago, I (Anna) started to truly discover my passion in life, helping children who have no one to care for them. I am avoiding using the term “orphan” because that implies that a child has no parents at all. That is simply not the truth in many situations.  Let me tell you our story and how God called us to make this decision.

Spring break of this year, I was about to fly back home from my brother in-law’s wedding when I decided I needed a book to keep me occupied on my flight and during my lay over. My sister and I went to Barnes and Noble, and she pointed out the book “Kisses from Katie.” I had wanted to read the book for a year and decided this was a good time. Let me just tell you that if you do not want to be challenged ….do not read this book. I sat on the plane, and in the airport with tears running down my face as I read about all the beautiful things this young woman is doing, and the hurt, pain, and brokeness that is running rampant in our world. 

I knew that I had to do something, but what? How could I make that kind of difference while I was here in the States. I asked God “what can we do?” and the answer was almost immediate. I don't have to go to the third world to love abandoned children. There are thousands of children right here in my own backyard who are facing similar problems to the children in the third world. Becoming a foster parent was no doubt a direct call from the Lord. When Kevin picked me up from the airport it was a matter of minutes before the idea came bursting out. To my surprise, he was very open to the idea. He had been having similar conversations with Jesus about wanting to do something more, wanting to trust, wanting to be willing to obey.

Now I can tell you that we are through the first few steps. We are taking the required foster care classes and currently waiting on a home study to be done. We are setting up an adorable little nursery/bedroom for the children that will become a part of our lives, even if only for a little while. We will be taking in 1 child (2 at most) at a time between the ages of 0 and 6 hopefully starting this September. It will pretty much become my full time job while Kevin continues on through his 3rd year of school. We are so excited to open our home and our hearts to the children of Kansas City.

So, what is with the title?! I sound so excited, why do we need to “be strong and very courageous?” Well, let me tell you a little bit about that. When you become a foster parent, you are agreeing to take in children that have been taken away from their parents through no fault of their own (most of the time). What does that mean? Sometimes it means that a child is placed into the system while their parents get back on their feet. Maybe they lost their job, or their home, or are going through a divorce and just need a chance to pull their life together. Sadly though, in most cases these children have been neglected, abused, abandoned, molested, raped, or a slew of other very sad traumatic things. When a child suffers these things, there are going to be behavioral and emotional responses. 

Over the next few years we may be dealing with a lot of hard things. Not simply the difficulties of helping a child cope, grow, develop good habits, trust, make good choices, and accept love, but also the pain that will likely come with having a child living with us for months at a time and loving them deeply while knowing that in almost all cases that child will eventually go home. I want you to know, that we are doing foster care KNOWING that we are preparing children to reunite with their parents. That is the goal of foster care. While we are open to adopting in the right situations, that is not our primary reason or focus.

There will no doubt be a lot of difficulty, as well as a lot of beauty from this decision. The Lord often speaks to me through the songs, movies, and stories that the students at my school hear and see. This year one of the songs that we sing in chapel is based off of the passage Joshua 1:9. This has become my favorite song and the theme song of my year. “Be strong, be strong, be strong and very courageous, be strong, be strong, for I am always by your side” the chorus says.

Please, pray that verse, and those words over us as we begin this adventure. Pray this song and verse over the broken and scared children that we are privileged enough to love. The Lord calls us to do hard things, to love the orphans and widows in their distress. Pray for courage, pray for strength, pray for wisdom and patience. 

 For those of you who may tell me “you have no idea what you are getting into”, “you know these kids have issues right?!” “why don't you just have your own kids first”, “I had a friend who took in a foster kid and……” thank you for attempting to enlighten us, but those are not the words we need to hear. If you yourself have taken in a foster child and have some advice, please tell me all you know! But, if you are simply “warning us” we do not want to hear it, we already know. We also know that those who follow Christ are often given tasks that are huge, giant, scary, and seem impossible. If you do not believe me…go read the story of Joseph, or Job, or Daniel, or Esther.

We are following the call that has been given to us. We are saying “yes” to Jesus. We are allowing Him to use us as His vessels. We are opening ourselves to all the things that come along with foster care, and we are excited. We will be strong. We will be courageous, because we know that God is always by our sides.

Kevin and Anna
Be Strong (The song I referred to)