I have felt the desire to write many times recently, but I simply do not know where to start. Our lives have changed in such a dramatic fashion since our last update. Our kids have gone home, Kevin has decided on his career path, the issues in my legs have resurfaced, we are in the process of applying for residency, my cake decorating “business” has taken off, and we have been traveling all over the place, and we are in the early steps of preparing for what could be a pretty massive move. While our lives seem to be moving at a rapid rate, this has also been a season of immense heartache for us. 2016 has been by far the most challenging and heart breaking year of either of our lives, but I will get to that.
Let me start by telling you about my brilliant husband’s medical career. Last year Kevin started doing rotations for his 3rd year of medical school. He has rotated with all types of doctors ranging from family medicine to surgery. His very first rotation was in psychiatry. He came home happy every day and had a serious interest in the medicine behind it. Many of you who have known us for many years will know that Kevin’s plan has always been to become a family doctor. But, in November and December after completing 2 different rotations in family medicine he discovered his passion was simply not there. He loved talking to patients, helping them process through challenges, and figuring out what was going on below surface level.
Fastforward to April, our daughter was going through some very difficult situations, and we quickly realized the severe shortage of psychiatrists, specifically for children. Between his love for helping people, his sociology background, his brilliant mind, ability to listen to others, and his love for our children, Kevin realized his passion and calling in medicine was psychiatry, specifically child and adolescent psychiatry. We are absolutely thrilled to have discovered what Kevin loves and where he will be able to help others through his career.
So, after 3 more months in psychiatry this summer we are 100% committed. We (I say we…but Kevin is the only doctor in the family) have applied to the residency match and are currently awaiting a decision about where we will end up. Because Kevin is in the Air Force we are likely to be matched in December to 1 of 2 programs in the Air Force for psychiatry. The first program is in San Antonio, Texas. The 2nd program (and our top choice) is in Dayton, Ohio. Once we find out where we match, we will begin to plan our move while Kevin finishes his last few months of medical school!!! He will graduate from medical school in May of this coming year. We will then move to the program he matches to, and he will begin residency in June or July.
In residency Kevin will be working in a hospital (or a clinic) for 80+ hours a week seeing patients every day. He will at that time be considered a doctor (he will be a D.O) although he will be required to complete a 4 year residency before he is able to practice independently. If he chooses to specialize in child and adolescent psych we will have another year or 2 of training to complete. Then we will begin to pay back our time in the Air Force where Kevin will be a psychiatrist.
Keep your eyes open in December for our (hopefully) big announcement. If Kevin doesn’t match to a military program then we will find out in March where we are going. He has applied to 21 civilian residencies from California to South Carolina, so we will literally have no idea where we will end up! It is quite an adventure, that’s for sure!
Many people ask us about foster care. The most common question we get is “Have you heard from the kids” Thankfully the answer to that question is YES. We have open communication with our children and we have seen and spoken to them multiple times since they moved back in with their mother. She has been wonderful about allowing us to stay involved with the kids and for her children to have communication with us. I cannot possibly thank Jesus enough for that incredible gift. The next question we get asked is “are you going to take more placements?!” if I am honest with you, we really don’t know.
You see, there is a lot to our story that is not public. A lot has gone on in our lives that the grand majority of people do not know. To be quite honest, I am shocked I am sharing it with you now. About 2 and half years ago we decided we wanted to start a family. We began making plans, talking about names, and looking at adorable baby clothes. But, our lives don’t always go according to our plans. For well over 2 years now we have been asking the Lord for a child, and the answer has been no. We do not know why, we have no answers.
When we became foster parents last year, we had begun to consider the possibility of adoption. That was not the reason behind our decision, but it was something we were open to. Many of you know that I (Anna) have planned to adopt a child for the duration of my life. In fact, I told Kevin years ago that he needed to know that was one thing I would NOT compromise on. I told him if he didn’t want to adopt, then I simply couldn’t marry him. But, of course my amazing man had no issues with adoption and was completely open to it (not everyone is).
When we accepted the placement of Q and A into our home, we were told it was actually likely an adoptive placement. Before they placed them into our care they asked us if we would be open to adoption, to which we said absolutely. From the moment those children walked into our home we knew that it could be permanent. So, imagine the shock in January when we learned that the case was starting to turn back to reunification. Again, let me reiterate to you, we are now THRILLED our children are with their mother. They love her and she loves them, and if a biological parent is a willing and fit parent, they should absolutely be given the right to raise their children. But, at the time that was a very very hard place for us. We loved our kids; we were a family. So to accept the fact that the children you love with every part of your heart are going to be taken away is not an easy place to be.
But there is even more to this story. When we shared with our case worker in February that we were in a longstanding battle with infertility and wanted to adopt an infant (which is incredibly rare in foster care) she told us she may possibly have a baby on her case load that would be a perfect match for us. He was 6 months old, healthy, and thriving. She told us she couldn’t make any guarantees and the system is frequently changing. After talking through things with the foster family that had the little boy she let us know that we would very-likely be able to take the baby as a foster placement after our children were reunited with their mother, which would make us “first in line” to adopt him a few months later. We made plans, we talked about names, we imagined our life as a family of three. We knew that there were no guarantees, we knew that the plans, family members, and circumstances are always changing, but no amount of training can keep you from hoping and believing with all of your heart that you will be a family.
A few months passed and we were praying daily for this baby. We believed the Lord had placed us in the situations we were in to find our son. On April 27th, the same day the court ruled to move our children home, the biological aunt of the baby stepped forward and decided she was going to take custody. In the foster care system family (that meet the standards of the system) is always the ideal placement for a child. I cannot put into words the shock and devestation that swept over us. We lost our children and our baby on the same day. It has taken months to process though this loss. It has taken months to grieve and move forward. To be quite honest, there isn’t a single day that goes by that I do not think about that baby boy. I pray for him constantly that he will grow to know the Lord, and he will be safe and happy with his aunt.
So, that is why we are not sure if we can foster again right now. Not only do we still process through what happened this past summer with our kids, but we are also still walking through infertility and what I consider a lost adoption. We are also planning for what appears to be a massive move in June. We are open to fostering again, and I have asked God many times if that is what He wants for us, and right now I am just not hearing a "yes."
Just like almost all of my other blog posts I have to give a plug for a song that has spoken to us, or comforted us. In this case this case that song is “Eye of the Storm” by an artist named Ryan Stevenson. Without a shadow of doubt I can tell you this single song completely sums up not only our struggle this year, but also the beautiful way that the Lord has walked with us through every moment.
"In the eye of the storm
You remain in control
And in the middle of the war
You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor
When my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me
In the eye of the storm"
We trust and believe that God has a plan. We believe that he has not forgotten us or turned his eyes away. We know that we made a difference in our children’s lives and they changed us forever. We choose to look ahead and not behind us. We live each day knowing that God has a plan for us, a plan for our family, we just don’t know what that looks like right now.
2016 has been quite a year for us. We have had so much change and are looking ahead at a lot more change here shortly. We hope that sharing our journey has not been in vain. We hope that someone reading this will know they are not alone. We hope that being vulnerable will allow people who need a friend or a listening ear to reach out. Life is too short to live alone or to hide. We are in the business of being real, being honest, and being available for others.
Thanks for reading,
Kevin and Anna
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